Connection
The instant messaging capability of
the Whatsapp App has made connections between people so easy and instant. I have
lots of individual as well as group connections. It is how I keep in touch with
my siblings, parent, extended family, former school mates, church mates, and
many other groups of people I’m connected to locally and abroad.
Lately, it has become the
preferred method of bringing people together where meeting physically is not
possible or desirable. And the reasons for bringing groups of people together have
indeed increased. While need for human connection appears to be innate, the
ability to form healthy, loving relationships is learned. A relationship is defined
as a connection, an association or involvement; a connection between persons by
blood or marriage; or an emotional or other connection between people.
We were created for community and
we are wired for relationships. Even the most certified introverts still have a
need to connect to at least one other person or a group of people even if
online. So we have siblings, relatives, workmates, neighbours, friends from
various walks of life and on and on the list goes. As some of us have fought for
our connections and made a point to stretch ourselves to keep in touch no
matter the distance, others simply went mum.
That is until someone calls to
ask – do you remember person X? Indeed I have been reminded of old school mates
I last saw 20 years ago, relatives I’ve never met and workmates with whom I never
connected while we shared an employer. In most cases, the reminders are
accompanying requests for help in the form of contributions.
Woefully, these requests have
increased exponentially to a point that no one person can be expected to spread
themselves to all the needs arising from family, friends, neighbours, colleagues,
church mates, and on and on. Yet, some of these requests are guilt laden with
demands.
I am increasingly finding myself
becoming numb to other people’s pain. And I’m not being so maliciously. There
are a circle of people for whom one call would get me speeding in their
direction at whatever hour of day. Why? Because no matter the circumstances
that have visited us for the season, they have cared to cultivate their
connection with me and I with them. Said differently, I know they care because
they have made it a priority to let me know that they care. Others have decided
to make me an unofficial ATM for withdrawal purposes – emotionally and
financially, at their convenience.
So today I ask: Which of my
relationships are win-win? Which of my relationships are one-sided? Where am I watering
someone else’s lawn while my grass withers and dies? What boundaries do I need
to set to keep me sane and healthy?What relationships do I need to nurture and which ones am I letting go?
The needs around me are many. I know
The Saviour but I am not He. Let’s be sensitive to the fact that some people
are quietly dealing with their mountains and may not be able to come move ours
when we want them to. No hard feelings. It just is. . .my musing for today.
“It is not my job to fix others. It is okay to say no. To take good care of me, I choose not to take care of you.”~Lisa Romano
Truth!
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