Wueh!

 

“Familiarity with any great thing removes our awe of it.” ~ L. Frank Baum

It is a uniquely Kenyan expression. Used in a variety of ways but generally where words fail the user, it comes to the rescue. And this week I had the perfect opportunity to feel it.

I decided to catch up on my reading goal by breezing through some fiction and audio-books that have been on my TBR pile for a while. In one of them, a story told in passing left me in deep reflection on my attitudes and I must admit, some of them need replacement, others mending.

The story ended with the saying “familiarity breeds contempt” and I decided to look up the dictionary meaning of the word, just for fun. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as the act of despising; lack of respect or reverence for something or someone; or willful disobedience. Familiarity is a state of close relationship. This story was largely about how familiar closeness in one character eventually led to their disdain of the other over time.

So as I reflected on the story, I wondered if I was in any such situation in my life and confirmed what I have long suspected - I am no saint! As the routine of life hums on, it is only natural that the new things in life become old, things that once caused us to wonder now become commonplace, and people we once esteemed now become too close for comfort. In the newness of most things, a common occurrence is to offer gratitude for the new thing/person. We feel honored to have the thing/person in our lives and we can’t help but notice how much better our lives have become because of this new thing. As time passes, we settle into a relationship with our ‘recently new’ thing/person and begin to learn it/them deeper.

In the case of a person, the more familiar we become with them, the more we also begin to learn that they are not perfect and we may be surprised to even discover major flaws in them! Unfortunately, this happens with our parents, siblings, significant others, friends, name it, every human has something that will eventually rub us the wrong way. Or, we encounter someone ‘newer’ who seems to have all those qualities that our person does not and the comparison bug hits us. Familiarity with things, on the other hand, can result in complaints about them, taking them for granted, or even abusing the item. We may shove it to the side and replace it and forget everything it meant to us just a short while ago.

That sounds a lot like a human condition that is ingrained in us, right? Right. We have a need for dynamism, we like new things, and we like to keep growing. However, you cannot find new parents when the urge strikes. Your siblings will be the only ones you get to keep all your life until death do you part. I can’t say the same for spouses nowadays. . .but that’s not what God intended marriage to be. So how do we deal with this seeming boredom, familiarity, and contempt that seems to creep up on us unseen, until it has festered into disdain?

Mindfulness and gratitude are 2 ways I think would help to stop the creeper before it takes over the fence. At any given time, do I deal with the people and things in my life in the here and now, or do I engage with others while running a script from the past or future in my mind? Am I present enough in my interactions to voice my concerns when things said or done are hurtful to me or have I been sweeping things under the carpet? Do I have a gratitude practice where I reflect on my blessings and why they are blessings then and now? Have I considered if I want to continue having this blessing in my life going forward or I’m I grateful for the time it has been and I’m now ready to let it go and make room for something new? Yes, hoarding or holding on to something beyond its season can cause you to fall into contempt.

There are a lot of things I need to step back and evaluate my relationship with, going forward. A few people too, sadly. For some, I can tell where the rain started beating me, others . . . I don’t know. The important thing is that I have identified the problem and I’m currently running an attitude check. And yes, going forward, I will be practicing gratitude and mindfulness – so help me God. Because what I have learned about myself this past week left me thinking – wuueeh!

“Nothing living should ever be treated with contempt. Whatever it is that lives, a man, a tree, or a bird should be touched gently, because the time is short. Civilization is another word for respect for life.“ ~ Elizabeth Goudge