Stretched

 

 

“Sometimes when things are way too big and I can’t control it, I do sort of a weird thing where I kind of check out a little bit. It’s all about self-preservation for me.” ~Hoda Kotb

There are still a little over 130 days to go to the end of this year but it already feels like it’s been 2 for the price of one! See that picture? Yes, it feels like life is pulling in all directions at all times and someone forgot to include breaks in between the mayhem. . . Help!

Life is happening on a mega scale like never before and it’s leaving a lot of casualties in its wake. Some people are breaking down and remaining down, others are only down for a time then they rise resilient and move on. But I’m none of those. I feel like some part of me went into an out of body experience and my guide forgot to bring me back. Otherwise defined as emotional numbness.

Every living being has a natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve its own existence. It’s the reason that stinging nettle stings and porcupines own a coat of quills. An instinct to protect what’s valuable to you – your peace, your sense of control, your sanity, your image, your happiness, among other valuables.

So what happens when the attacker of all that’s valuable is a force greater than you can fight, unseen and unannounced? What happens when seemingly every phone call is delivering a new heart attack? When things are not taking turns and it feels like Job chapter 1 is replaying before your eyes – before one servant finished talking about the oxen, another came with news about the sheep, another about the camels and another about the children. And his skin was yet to break out!

Life can serve us with a bitter cuisine that leaves you wishing for lemons instead. In those instances, our self preservation instinct kicks in and one way it can ‘help’ is to cause us to lose all feeling. Go numb – a mental and emotional process of shutting out feelings, causing us to feel flat, disconnected, disinterested, meeeeh, just there, so what’s new. . .

This is where self preservation’s cousin, self care comes to our aid. Reflect on what is happening, what you’re feeling or not feeling. Put it down in a journal – detach if your must and write like a reporter looking in at someone else but put it down. Walk away if you can, take a long walk, take a shower, put on music and listen with earphones on. Practice a hobby that can distract you but not require too much attention; something you can do mindlessly. Be very careful what you eat – in such times you are susceptible to stuffing your feelings with food and causing new problems. Force yourself to work out even if it’s just a 10-minute stretch session. Breathe – you need it to live. And you’re still here.

As much as it feels like the right thing to do, do not distance yourself from friends and family. Reach out to that one person, hang around a person who won’t mind your silence and will allow you to work out your feelings without saying too much.  But most importantly, hold on to your faith and call on heaven even if it feels like its inhabitants went on vacation and left a granite gate as the point of contact. The Psalms and Lamentations give me words when numbness steals my vocabulary.

Remember, everything happens in seasons. This too shall give way to another. If you’re still here. . . hold on.

Psalms 23:4 Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me. (Amplified Bible)

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