People Are Weird!

 

“People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth.”~Roberto Bolano

I came across The Rudest Book Ever by Shwetabh Gangwar last week and read it through in one sitting. It is not a work of fiction and it has been ages since a non-fiction book so enthralled me as to keep me glued from start to finish. But it did and today I’m thinking about a chapter that caused me to sit up.

In this chapter, the author talks about the fact that we all want to be perceived as special. And because we think we are special, we have a hard time taking rejection from others. However, rejections are a normal part of life and it’s not personal. Not everyone will like me, not everything out there was meant to be for me. Some people will not even give me a full glance and others will give me an outright ‘hell NO!’ And this is where my perception will be a game changer.

Perception can either cause me untold suffering or help me to avoid pointless suffering. Perception is defined as a belief or opinion, based on how things seem. Gangwar argues that you cannot pick one perception and have it serve you across situations; but some people do. I’m sure you’ve heard the classic ‘men are dogs!’ or ‘women can’t be trusted’. These are both conclusions that have been reached and subsequently converted into perceptions. Applied to all men or all women, they are grossly erroneous. And he also argues that once you hold a perception, it leads you to an expectation about the object of your perception. For example if I am afraid of cats and I believe they are vicious creatures, every time I meet one I will expect nothing but a violent confrontation!

His solution to avoiding the pitfall of perception – hold the foundational principle that PEOPLE ARE WEIRD. They’re not good; they’re not bad; they’re just weird.

Four reasons inform this principle. First, data is king. At first glance, you have no real data to back up your perception. You do not have a pattern of behaviour to analyze so make no conclusions and instead, wait and observe. Secondly, first impressions are bull shit. They are based on perceptions formed from expectations based on external factors such as a person’s looks, physical features or skin colour; very subjective. Third, people are really weird and they will do things we don’t understand. We only know in part; be patient. Fourth, we live in a world of marketing and sales. Everyone and their grandma is out to market an image. Take your time to observe before you think you know what lies beneath the sales pitch.

Next time you face rejection, know that you are special only to yourself, and your close kin – maybe. Not to everyone. It is not personal, people are just weird. Only God is all-knowing, hence you may never know what another person is going through or thinking about, their history or their fears. And because you don’t know, you cannot possibly purport to know why they decided one way and not another or picked someone else and not you. Save yourself some pain, suspend taking offence and instead, shrug and repeat – PEOPLE ARE JUST WEIRD. Then move on to the next experience and don’t carry baggage as you go.

“Life is weird and complex but very simple at the same time. It’s all about perception. “~Tyler Posey